Professor Stone Cold shows how it's done
It's really sad in the Tips Era when they can't even come close to cutting Promos with such creativity and conviction. Whereas today feels like they're reading a script word-for-word; back then in the Attitude Era this felt like it was coming from the heart and not something they had to memorise.
Now I will grant that in today's demographic they cannot go past the censor limit with cursing and other references, but they can learn from what made Promos and segments so intense and engaging back in the late 90's.
One example of that being done (and possibly one of the very few) was CM Punk's Pipe Bomb, which Austin himself has credited Punk citing that it was a true Promo and not lines that's just fed to him.
Take note current writers: when your archive material from 17 years ago is superior to your current product which you cite is better; then you have a problem. - MJ
How long have I used this old thing? Oh well. We're back. Why now?
TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR A SEMI-FAT GUY GETTING THINNER DAY BY DAY CAUSE A YEAR AND A HALF DOES WONDERS FOR YA RANT!
Ah, Me and the WWE Divas. Don't we have a GREAT relationship? About as much as a Donut and a bottle of Vodka. Says alot when you sit here and think about it, especially when you're in a hot ass room, no AC on cause it's 3 In the morning my time (Of this posting)
I decided to write short notes for RAW and edit a bit to talk about for the RAW portion for RDR Next This week. BUT! Part of it, is going over the 30 minute mark...Hell, it'll make the damn video a hour!
SO! Unless MJ would like me to have a Oni's Rant Card for this season, THIS...IS GOING HERE!
I watched NXT Takeover Brooklyn last Saturday. Great...no...not great...PERFECT show. Now, you wonder what was match of the night in my opinion.
Sasha Banks vs Bayley for the NXT Women's Championship. YES! You heard me correctly. A DIVAS MATCH NOT ONLY STOLE THE SHOW BUT IT WAS MATCH OF THE NIGHT! Not even Finn Balor and Kevin Owens could top it! When a Women's Match can top ANYTHING that happened on the card. You...have done something EFFIN RIGHT!
Now, what does this have to do with RAW, you may ask? I'll get to it.
Summerslam...was meh. Divas Match on that was ok, Team PCB won.
NOW IT LEADS ME TO Monday's RAW.
Segment before the match and the match itself, I'll talk about on RDR Next This week
THIS RANT CAN'T WAIT!
What I saw was pretty much destruction of the Divas Revolution. Sure, Paige had her way to "Thank" the crowd (and at this point. I expect it from Paige, cause well...duh, she's Paige.) Becky and Charlotte did their thanks in a more...positive way.
NIKKI BELLA ON THE OTHER HAND.....OH MY GIDDY AUNT!
I'm going to borrow a few snippets and I will dissect them ONE...BY ONE!
Get some coffee, water, Green Tea, Powerade. This is gonna get Ugly faster than a John Cena Meme.
From Nikki Bella's Twitter
"Oh and WWE Brooklyn shame on you for disrespecting women that put their bodies on the line for your entertainment."
Now for the Oni Translator
"WAH! WAH! WAH! GIVE ME ATTENTION! STOP GIVING PAIGE, CHARLOTTE, BECKY, SASHA BANKS AND THE NXT DIVAS ATTENTION! I WANT IT! I WANT ATTENTION NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!"
I'm borrowing a few lines from a guy I follow on Twitter. Check him out at http://soccerballandwrasslin.blogspot.co.uk/
His Twitter: https://twitter.com/wheelerdeeler
(His Words, not mine about the match)
"I'll preface what I'm about to say with this, I DO NOT in any way endorse a crowd going into business for themselves and putting themselves over.
Everything about this was Booty, Yeah I said Booty.
Why should I in any way have cared about this match? They kept the one "Diva" off the show that the crowd were desperate to see in Sasha and they thought it would go well? Don't tell me they kept her off because she'd worked the last two nights because Owens was on the show. I'm not going to say the "Divas Revolution" is dead, it's on life support- but it's not dead. The problem is, IT'S NOT A REVOLUTION."
Nikki, the only reason you GOT that attention was cause people are sick of your shit! "Oh, look at me, I'm about to be the longest reigning Divas Champion of all time! Wins and Losses don't matter to me, BUT STOP SHITTING ON MY MATCH, WAH!"
You are a attention seeking SLUT! That's all you ever been. NOW! If it had been Team PCB vs Team BAD for a shot at your title. THE CROWD MIGHT HAVE WARMED UP TO IT! What did we see? You and your team of boredom winning another match that you didn't need to win. Why? CAUSE IT PUTS THE WHOLE DAMN THING BACK TO SQUARE ONE!
So you know. The crowd had every right to chant BORING! We want new Divas! We want Paige, Charlotte, Becky, Bayley, Sasha, CARMELLA! We don't want you, Brie, Alicia (Sorry MJ), or even Rosa Mendes around anymore.
Hate to borrow this line from your boyfriend. Fuck it! "Your Time is up! Their time is now!" Then again, your boyfriend needs to learn that lesson....before or after you dump his ass for the next top star to keep your ass relevant!
(and here comes the blocking by the Bellas. GOOD!)
So Nikki, take you, your sister and your red headed clone that you "hate" in Eva Marie and get the fuck off my TV!
SPEAKING OF THE RED HEADED CLONE THAT WISHES SHE WAS LITA!
I happened to catch some of this week's NXT (aka the matches they recorded on Saturday Night before Takeover). Put it this way
A Bottle of Bleach looks tasty right about now. WHY YOU MAY ASK!?
I saw Eva Marie vs Carmella.
Now, for the record. I LOVE Carmella. I love her gimmick. If you can get over and actually impress me. Then you earned my respect (Vaudevillans...you two...are my number one....ah-guys!
VaudeVillians: Yes Sir!)
I know Carmella's in training and yet, her training's paying off! I hope she's next in line for a title run. After Bayley of course. So, she has this match with Eva Marie and OH MY GOD!
I felt like bashing my skull in with a wrench!
Now, Eva's first match back was against Jessie McKay (if I'm correct). Either way, the entire match. Sloppy, dull, crappage! Even the finisher was about as sloppy as a two cent hooker. Fitting for Eva.
Now, against Carmella. I'm gonna borrow what Jesselee Leachman said
"The only thing she perfected is a ArmBar"
He's right! A ARMBAR! A....FUCKING...ARMBAR!
The match, Carmella carried Eva. Eva, once again, Sloppy, Dull, Crappage! Except....IT WAS WORSE! Her finisher...she looked like a turtle who had a dildo shoved up her ass!
AND WWE WANTS TO PUSH HER!? UGH!
This is why I can't stand our current Divas Champion and what WWE (Vince and DUNN) sees as the future. YOU GOT A FUTURE WITH PCB, SASHA, BAYLEY, CARMELLA, EMMA, DANA BROOKE AND OTHERS! You no longer need the Bellas! YOU DON'T NEED EVA MARIE!
But, less than 3 weeks...Nikki Bella will be the Longest Reigning Divas Champion. Yet, no one will remember it, you know why?
AJ Lee's was more memorable!
I'M DONE! Fuck you Nikki Bella! - Oni